So I know I should be over this by now..
It’s been like what? over a month. It’s been 12 days since our last encounter. and I miss you. I miss you so fucking much and I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t miss you, or want you to be back in my life at all. I can’t say you treated me like shit, because honestly you didn’t but you left me feeling like it.
Why?
Why does this bother me so much? I mean I’ve been with people, even more involved with them, before. You were there for a total of what, 2 or 3 months?
Maybe its because I was so certain. Everyone saw it. Everyone. and now what do they see?
They see me, a stupid 17 year old girl who pretends to smile at work when you’re around. Who wants to go into the freezer and cry. Who is thankful when they put you on break. Who has to avoid your eyes. Who won’t let herself break down. Who holds it all in. Who knows she’s about to explode.
You told me it was okay to cry. Would you think so now? No. Crying over you is pointless. you’re not worth it, I know that, but sometimes I wish you were…
I feel so angry all of the time now. I’m always on edge. Why did you do this to me? how is it that I feel so betrayed… so broken?
I used you just as much didn’t I?
I’m trying to convince myself that it was equal. That there were no feelings at all. That I never felt anything for you. Because I didn’t right?
I mean I wasn’t on the verge of loving you. No, I was already head over heels. and I wasn’t dying to hold your hand. No, I had already become accustomed to holding it. and I didn’t enjoy that one night you randomly showed up outside my house and took me away. No, I loved it. and I won’t let myself miss you anymore, I never felt anything for you. Well, that’s true, I never felt anything that could be described in words. I love you.
come back.
why her? and why did I know? Why did I care? Why did I still try? Why didn’t I just drop you the night before homecoming when I knew something was up? Why was everyone just saying that I was jealous? Yes, I was. But I knew, deep down, that there was something more between you two.
Why did you have to try to fool me? Why me?
“Gotta go.”
I know.
Goodbye.
